Rebuilding Your Identity After Divorce

Three tips for men to rebuild themselves after feeling like a failure

Fabe Mitchell


A friend is currently going through a tough time in his marriage.

According to him, he may be getting a divorce. His wife has already started meeting with lawyers and informing her family of what she intends.

It sucks because I know exactly what he’s feeling, as my marriage ended over a year ago.

I spoke with another friend who couldn’t understand why our buddy suddenly had gone silent — not returning calls or texts.

“I’ve called him a few times,” he said.

“But I never get an answer.”

“Mmm,” is all I could muster because as I gripped the wheel to our next stop, I remembered not wanting to talk to anyone once the “D” word was finally announced between my ex-wife and me.

One image popped into my head. I remember feeling so low while taking a shower one day that I froze for a long time, not knowing what I’d be doing next in my life.

As I snapped back to the present moment, I said, ”I remember feeling ashamed, like a failure, and less of a man when my divorce was going on.”

“Not sure if he feels that way too, but if he is, he’ll be hard-pressed to want to talk to anybody about it.”

I hope our friend ends up being able to open up to anybody about what he’s feeling. Because if not I don’t want him to end up angry like I did for a period of time after my divorce.

So, I’ll pretend he stumbles across this message as he seeks to escape his divorce hell hold.

I’ll share three things I did to build a better life after divorce.

This isn’t any unique advice or anything groundbreaking.

After 16 years of building a life with someone you thought would last forever, it’s just a man’s perspective and how you could simply begin picking up the pieces when nothing else seems optimistic.

  1. Reflected — This was the most significant impact on my identity a year later. I took a lot of time reflecting on my entire 16-year relationship. What worked, what didn’t work. I had to swallow a HUGE…



Fabe Mitchell

Write about marketing, business, & self improvement alongside your 9-5.